Lich King - Born Of The Bomb

As I wake up to another rainy day, I take my morning piss, make my coffee and sit at the computer to start my stroll through cyber-land when a thought hits me harder than my morning bm. Lich King’s new album Born Of The Bomb is waiting for me in my, well, spam folder!

Born of the Bomb is the 4^th album by Western Massachusetts natives Lich King, who if you don’t already know, rule.  Consisting of Tom Martin on vocals, Rob Pellegri and Joe Nickerson on guitar, Dave Hughes on bass, and Brian Westbrook on drums, Lich King once again prove that metal is suppose to be fun and that image and lyrics don’t mean shit. “Wall-Pussy’s” beware, listening to this album might revert you back to a primal age where picking your butt and bashing women you find attractive in the head is considered “normal”.

The album opens up with “All Hail”, the end all, be all of album openers. Just thinking of the riffs in this song brings back memories of neck pain and a terrible drive home after a hell of a concert.  Not much to say about this song except that it sets the mood for the rest of album, which basically means, you’re gonna love the ass whoopin it is going to deliever.

Next up on the album is “We Came to Conquer”. This song picks up where Behaver left off, following their “Lyrics don’t mean shit” mentality.

“Hey guess what, bitch, we’re back”
“Beard, short hair, and I’m fat”
“No frills, no costumes, No ads in Kerrang”

When vocalist Tom Martian spits these bits of lyrical genius out, you know shit is about to be destroyed.
From the riffs all the way down to the hooks, this song does what the title says, conquer.  Lich King lets the listener know a pretty common fact, they are the kings of the new wave and they don’t fuck around. And speaking of riffs, if the main riff in the song doesn’t get you moving then something’s wrong in your head and you might want to get that checked out, let’s just hope it’s not contagious.

We Came to Conquer, Axe Cop, and Combat Mosh are prime examples of what I love about Lich King, joking lyrics….done in a serious manner. Once again showing that you don’t have to be all frowns and death/satan to be metal and that joking lyrics don’t have to be about pizza or poop. A great example of non-serious lyrics in a serious manner is “Fan Massacre”. Every band uses this cliché of “Our fans mean the world to us”, “Without our fans we’d be nothing”, etc. etc. Lich King on the other hand set the record straight. They don’t like you and in fact they don’t even need you. They know they're awesome so that’s why they have sent their mascot to slaughter their biggest fans, you know, the ones who donated a lot of money to their Kickstarter page last year to help them get their tour bus. (I shouldn’t have to put this, but you know some people, this song is a joke….I think)

Everything on this album has had a major over-haul since the last album, with tracks like In the End, Devastation showing off huge Demolition Hammer/Morbid Saint influenced riffage, to well thought out lyrics like those in Wage Slave, which bring to light the blinded life we all live, and about half way through the album, Lich King hit you with something of epic proportions, Agnosticism. Jesus Christ! (pun intended) Weighing in around 8 minutes long, Agnosticism take’s the listener into a journey unlike no other. I could write an entire review on this song alone but instead I’ll just summarize it as this. Agnosticism features acoustic interludes done right, Harmonizing leads that would make crocodile cry, a chorus that’s catchier than herpes at a Motley Crue concert, and riffs heavier than a Samoan NFL offensive line man, this track is just further proof that Lich King have evolved into a top contender for “Best Group from the NWOTM”.

The last 2 songs on the album consist of an A+ cover of Agent Steel’s classic “Agents Of Steel” featuring a guest solo by Dave Carlino from Sonic Pulse/Razormaze and a new chapter in the Lich King saga, “Lich King IV (Born Of The Bomb)” which features not one but two! Yes, two members of the legendary Morbid Saint! Jay Visser offers up a tasty guest solo like no other while Tom Martian and Pat Lind spit line after venomous line in a Destruction like fashion. I’m just gonna go on record saying that if Tom or anyone decided to write a book based off the Lich King Saga…..I would read every bit of it. My only complaint about this song is that they should have done it to where Tom was the voice of the Lich King and Pat was the voice of the Nucleomancer cause that would have been rad, hesh, and all of those other slang words for cool. But, well, you know, that's just, like, my opinion, man.

In short, Born Of The Bomb is the album of 2012, actually, I’d go so far as to say that if this album was released last year, I’d place it on top of Warbringer’s Worlds Torn Asunder and Havok’s Time Is Up, and that’s coming from a huge Warbringer fan. This album has everything you would ever need and Lich King continue to prove time and time again that fat, bearded, short haired dudes can still rip the purest thrash there is. If there’s one band that deserves your hard earned money, it’s Lich King!
Till next time y’all! YEE-HAW!

Highlight tracks: Agnosticism
                              Combat Mosh
                              In The End, Devastation

Lich King’s “Born Of The Bomb” earns 5 Greasy buckets of chicken out 5!

You can check out Born Of The Bomb in its entirety here: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMENLjd0eeClsC-HPiUzRsA&feature=plcp

Check the band out on facebook: www.facebook.com/lichkingmetal

And most importantly, buy your Lich King goodies here: http://lichking.bigcartel.com

Insinnerator - Stalagmite of Ice

Insinnerator is a 3-piece from the sweltering hells of Dallas, Texas who released their debut album, Stalagmite of Ice, last year.  Consisting of “Brutal” Ben on vocals/ bass, Christopher “Atomic Thrasher” on guitar/vocals, and Juan  “Speed” on drums, Insinnerator is one of those bands that is best described with 3 simple words, “Ho. Lee. Shit” Ok, so maybe two words when spelt correctly but whatever.

I would describe Insinnerator’s sound like getting a lesson in SBM from Jennifer Aniston. It’s un-expected, hurts a bit, but you love it. Everything this band offers is nothing you would expect. To start it off, this album has riffs. And not recycled riffs which seem to plague a lot of the NWOTM albums but genuine “grab you by the balls/clit and not let go” riffs. Imagine putting the technicality of Voivod and Testament, with the sheer evilness of Slayer, and the brutality of Exodus into a blender. Then serve it all with a bit of Vio-lence like arrangements and a drop of the devils ball sweat. The drums on this album do exactly what they are supposed to do and by that I mean, they are aggressive as fuck. No frills, just a straight drill to the head. Also, the bass, yeah it’s audible. Don’t believe me, check for yourself. Not only is it audible, but Ben shows himself has a bassist who doesn’t like to sit back behind everyone else and offers up a nice solo in the intro to Children of the Cult.

Now onto the vocals. A lot of folks seem to have a big problem with the vocals and I just don’t understand why. Trying to describe Brutal Bens vocals would take a few chapters and probably some words that don’t exist so instead I’ll just give you an example. The moment I heard Brutal Ben I was immediately reminded of Sean muthafuckin Killian from Vio-lence. Ben has a unique voice that stands out from the crowd. Not to be bothered with all the harsh vocals that are a favorite among a lot of thrashers, Ben’s vocal style lends more towards that of the Speed Metal side. Ben also shows a good range with the addition of guttural vocals towards the end of the title track, Stalagmite of Ice.  Atomic Thrasher also lends his vocals on this album on the track “Rites of Execution” and does a great job with the harsher side of things. Both Chris and Ben pull off the high screams ala Show No Mercy era Tom Araya quite well but a bit randomly at times.

My complaints on this album are few. First and for most, the vocals sound like they were mixed to high into the mix which is another reason why I think people have a problem with them. My second complaint is that the album should have opened with Children of the Cult. And my third complaint, not really a complaint but a wtf, is that the band is called Insinnerator…..the album is called Stalagmite Of Ice! COME ON GUISE!?!

To top it all off, these guys know how to play their instruments and they don’t pull any punches. Stalagmite of Ice was definitely one of the best Thrash Metal albums that 2011 had to offer, with each track being no less than amazing. I eagerly await Insinnerator’s sophomore album and if you aren’t trying to sue these guys for whiplash by the end of the album then you are obviously not doing something right.

Insinnerator – Stalagmite of Ice gets 4.7 greasy buckets of chicken outta 5!

Check em out on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/Insinnerator

Howdy Yalls!

Howdy Yall! I've run into a little bit of a downtime so to fill the void I've decided to start a blog where I'll be giving albums I love a big ole sloppy fellatio, give my opinion on shows, movies, games, and how to solve world hunger. I'll also post whatever I damn well feel like and you WILL like it! Oh and if you would like to have something of yours reviewed send me a email to kentuckyfriedmetal@hotmail.com.*

So here is a little bit of insight on your not so friendly neighborhood hill-billy. I play guitar and do vocals in Executioner. I enjoy a good book and collect comic books and vinyl, I like long walks on the beach, and am a God. Deal with it. Oh and I also love Metal. I do not however, shit in a shack and I do wear shoes. What can I say, I'm one of those high class hill-billies.

Look for my first review coming up in a few days....maybe. Until then, keep it heavy, keep it violent, and keep it greasy like Gary Busey.

*If your album sucks, I'll be nice and not review it. So friends, beware.

Check out my band on facebook also! Executioner